I guess how we perceive the world shapes who we choose to be and creates the environment in which we live..
For me the desire to help people was always at the forefront of my thinking and my driving desire in life. Being successful for me was having a job where I could care for people at their most vulnerable times and make a difference in those moments. To this day my focus is on creating a space for people to heal either individually or as a family.
From the very first days of becoming an Emergency nurse I always knew that not all pain, illness, and diseases are visible. Each person I worked with also carried an unseen and often overlooked baggage that was often more debilitating than the wounds that were easily seen.
Much of the knowledge and lessons I have learned from have been from personal experience, whether that be at work or in my personal life. The effects have been both profound and life changing as an individual and as a parent.
As a child I was always the one that would blush when I was embarrassed something I still do on occasions today. Often, I would try and remain anonymous in my lessons so not to draw attention to myself. Or hide at the back in my drama lessons so that I didn’t get a large part to play.
Sometimes I was called out though with nowhere to hide such as sporting events, I can still remember my legs shaking and voice wavering when having to do a speech in front of a few hundred parents.
You may wonder where I am going with this story but its important to create a picture that may resonate with most people reading.
It was always emphasised to me that you’ve just got to get on with it, push through it and you will feel better. Those days when I didn’t want to go to school, I would be left at the school door the teachers saying to my parents he will be fine in ten minutes leave him with us, before they dragged me in. The fact remains I might have outwardly looked fine but internally this kind of behaviour was setting me up for a fall in my adult life.
I may have been educated in science and maths, but no one ever taught me how to build resilience and the life skills needed today.
Fast forward to recent times whereby I have a great job with lots of responsibility and a family that I love very much. Outwardly I am relaxed and happy and kind of dealing with the stresses of daily life, but not all is as it seems.
Pressures of life increase with covid and all those feelings I had as a child begin to manifest into my adult life. My work life balance becomes unmanageable and things at home begin to take their toll. Before I know it, I am exhibiting those behaviours that I did as that child scared to go into school feeling constantly overwhelmed and pretty much lost.
My parenting skills become non-existent and all my relationships with family members become strained. The way society is today so fast paced, and materialistic it is easy for us as human beings to become lost in it all.
On reflection anxiety had always been a large part of my life, at first this was hard to admit as a proud man with an image to keep. But what is important here is that the moment I began to understand and accept anxiety as being a normal part of me a natural human response, it somehow began to lose its power over me. If anxiety was a muscle, I would look like the best body builder in history. Constantly in use and overworked my body and emotions reached a point whereby something had to give.
What happened next, I will not bore you with but suffice to say I began a journey of self-reflection and gained new knowledge that has changed my life.
The most important and fundamental thing I learned about anxiety was that it is normal. For me that literally blew my mind, the reassurance that I am not crazy and that its not all in my head was freeing and exhilarating. Humans are programmed to deal with a certain amount of anxiety on a regular basis, for me this had just got out of control, especially with recent world events.
It is important for me to state at this point that although anxiety is a normal reaction designed to keep us alive in dangerous situations, its prolonged exposure and symptoms are not. Understanding the physiology of anxiety and developing skills you can utilise to build resilience is a fascinating and liberating journey. One which I am privileged to perhaps play a part in with you and your family.